Just after the diwali frenzy, it was time for another festival. This one, she always dreaded. The family get togethers and feasting of Diwali would just settle down and it would be bhaiya dooj. Year after year, she would pretend that the festivities had made her tired and try to skip the grand family lunch hosted by an uncle or great aunt. She would much rather send her wishes and token by post to her cousins who were scattered all over the globe. This year, it didnt seem like she could escape.
Bua ji had called and invited all of them personally and had been very excited because her eldest son Pawan would also be visiting with his family after many years. She had even spoken to Rahul and been insistent about meeting them all after so long.
Rahul could never figure out why she was so hesitant to join her own extended family on this one occasion, and she realized she would have to go. How could she explain to him the memories that these get-togethers brought up in her mind? He only knew what she had always told him that she her only sibling, her elder sister had passed away when she was in college. He always assumed her reluctance for the festival was because of the memories of Priya didi associated with it. Aware of the troubled times that Riya and her father had gone through coming to terms with that, he didnt pressurize her to speak about it. Riya knew that it was only half the truth. So many years had passed, she had tried to make peace with her demons and the past but it still haunted her. She had finished her studies, found a job, got married, and started a family; settled down was how society would describe it; but this festival always made her feel very unsettled.
The day arrived and she tried to convince Rahul that the drive all the way to Buajis farmhouse was too stressful, but he wouldnt cancel the plan and insisted he was looking forward to the drive. In fact, he thought it would be a good outing for the twins, with the weather just having got better. Realizing she had no choice, she proceeded to get ready. The twins squabbled all through the drive, giving her no further opportunity to brood, and they were amongst the last to reach the venue.
Sure enough, the weather was lovely and Bua ji had arranged for an outdoor barbeque near the pool. Most of the guests had arrived and she joined the extended family for the usual picture and photo opportunities. Just as the twins were scooting off with Aditi didis daughter, she saw him enter. She froze. The many years that had passed since that fateful day flashed in her mind, and suddenly it seemed like yesterday. Before she could react, she saw a young woman behind him. She was dressed simply and was holding a little girls hand. The girl, his daughter, who must have been around 3 or 4 years, ran towards the swimming pool. Suddenly a gang of older cousins had surrounded Pawan, and she found herself pulled into the introductions and greetings. Yuvika, his wife, seemed pleasant, though the boisterousness of the cousins and back slapping familiarity seemed to have made her a little reticent. Excusing herself from the group because she needed to check on the kids, Riya went inside to the living room and found all the kids there.
Her boys seemed to have a new friend in Pragati, whom she recognized as Pawans daughter. As she sat and watched the kids play and interact with cousins they rarely met, she found her eyes settle on Paragti. She was a lovely, vivacious girl with the confidence and simultaneous innocence that children are blessed with. Suddenly Riya was reminded of Priya didi.
Actually, she saw Priyas face in Pragati, then her own face. Suddenly all the anger she had suppressed all these years, the sadness, the shame seemed to explode and she couldnt contain herself any more. She went to the washroom and splashed cold water on her face, hoping to calm herself down; but it didnt help. She remembered that bhaiya dooj day, when on a similar get together in their uncles small apartment, she had found Priya didi and Pawan arguing. Pawan had been shouting at her, telling her he would defame their entire family and circulate intimate pictures of her, if she told anyone about his advances. Riya had not only been shocked, she had been deeply pained as she realized that both the sisters had been victims of Pawan. How he had used the ruse of family get togethers to molest both the girls, film them and then use it against them. She could see Priya didi crying and rushed out to console her. Both girls had returned home with their father exhausted and at night , she went to Priya didi hoping they could both find solace in each other.
But Didi had chosen another means of finding peace The days after that were etched in her memeory. Her father was besides himself with grief and the retinue of aunts, uncles and myriad relatives did nothing to help, until she found her father alone and managed to tell him the truth behind Priya didis tragedy. He wept like a baby wishing that his mother less daughter would have summoned the courage to tell him. Had he failed in being both parents rolled into one, was a question that haunted him for the rest of life; before he passed away shortly after Riya and Rahuls wedding. He had never spoken about it ever again, not even when Riya sometimes tried to, saying that now that Priya had gone, it wouldnt help , and would only bring negativity and ill repute to Riya.
Many a time, Riya thought of telling him that she also had experienced the same with Pawan, but seeing the grief and sadness in his face and life, never spoke up. He maintained a distance from the family, especially with buaji.
Riya and her father rebuilt their life together, little by little. The secret behind Priyas tragedy remained between them, and the secret of her abuse became hers only, and stayed like a knife permanently deep in her consciousness, so deep that she managed to make it seem like it had happened in another life, to another person and tried to live her present life.
All those years, she had managed to do that. Then why was this happening now? She had come across Pawan occasionally in family functions, and had studiously avoided him. But today, watching Pragati play innocently, she couldnt take it anymore. Who knew how many other girls he had abused? Did his wife not have a right to know?
More importantly, What if he did the same to the child?? Would she forgive herself? Would Priya didi forgive her? She didnt know what would happen to her, to her family, her life with Rahul , but she did know that she couldnt take it any longer. Keeping silent had seemed the easier option, the safer option all these years; and suddenly it was impossible to continue. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do, even though she had no idea how she would do it. Before she knew it, she had rushed outside, on the patio near the pool and was calling her cousins loudly. As everyone gathered around her, she began telling the story of how both sisters had been abused and exploited by Pawan and the incidents leading to Priyas death. She was only half aware of Pawan shouting that she was lying. Bua ji screaming at her, a few relatives shouting at Pawan, and the others in a state of shock; it was all happening, but seemed to happening in another world.
When she finished, she realized that Rahul was holding her in his arms, and a few aunts were with Yuvika who had collapsed and fainted outside. She didnt know what would happen next for any of them, but she knew that keeping silent would have only made things worse for her.
Speaking up after so many years, speaking out after hiding so much had exhausted her and she couldnt think beyond the moment. But somehow, she knew that things would be okay and, maybe, she would finally live a life free from the burden of her secret, their secret.